This was a hard blog post to write even though so many wonderful things have happened these last few weeks...we are getting solid online sales, we added a few new wholesale customers, we finally got our inventory shipment after a very long wait and started shipping to our online customers and wholesale customers. Whooohoooo!!! We had a launch event on Zulily which was a rousing success and a great way for us to build brand awareness and we even got written about on The Stir! I mean, it has just been AMAZING. The most amazing news though was that i found that the day we got back from Las Vegas that my little girl was going to be a big sister...How exciting that was for me and my family and a great wrap up to our launch!!! I was pregnant again with baby #2 and i was SOOOO looking forward to all the wonderful feelings of pregnancy, a growing belly, my new world as a mompreneur and even rocking my own collection:) It was perfect!
Last week I was officially 8 weeks pregnant and was counting down the days until we could share the wonderful news with all our friends and extended family. I was going to be a mommy again! It would be perfect and I would no longer need to fake drinking my wine when hanging out with friends or lie about why I could not hang out late because I was dead tired as is expected in the first trimester ...Until that dreadful Monday when I went in to get my routine checkup. All of the baby's measurements were great and I was feeling great too until the doctor's happy face turned into one of concern and needing to double check with another doctor...
"It's strange but I don't see a heartbeat, I'm so sorry!"...those awful words still play in my head over and over again, even right this moment. I cry every time I remember it. It was the hardest thing to hear and have to live with. My world was crashing! How was that even possible? But I felt fine, the baby seemed fine, just how??? My heart sank. How would I explain to my little girl who is 22 months that there is no longer a baby in mommy's belly? Was it something I did or did not do? Was it stress related? Was I too caught up with You! Lingerie and growing the business that I neglected myself and the baby? Did I not drink enough water or eat right or sleep enough? A million questions ran through me as I tried to get answers from my OBGYN. And even though the doctors say that there was nothing I did wrong or could have done to prevent this, I still couldn't help myself. I went back to the doctors a few days later to double and triple check that there hadn't been any mistakes but it was still the same bad news.
I am sad and heartbroken!!! I have cried for days now! And words cannot even describe the loss I feel.
But I am still grateful and thankful for all the wonderful blessings I have. My beautiful daughter who inspired me to start this journey, my supportive husband who is my rock and my family who continue to encourage me. And I have faith that everything will be alright... And I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason even when it is hard for us to see and understand it (because I still don't understand it). So as hard as this is to share with you all, I hope that my story will touch and inspire someone in a positive way to be hopeful and trust God (or whatever higher power you believe in).
I hope that someday soon, I can get over this.